Friday, July 27, 2012

5 Types of Girls Every Guy Meets at a Nightclub

This one is for the guys out there that run into the same types of women every time they go out clubbing.  It doesn’t matter what kind of music is playing or who the crowd is.  If you go out, you will undoubtedly run into these females and their routines.

e   1. The Needy Girl

This girl is the easiest to spot because she will be wearing an insane outfit that either barely covers her assets or has some kind of accessory that stands out like a diamond tiara.  You can also hear her loud mouth through the deafening music that is being blasted into your ears and brain.  She just has to let everyone know she is laughing and how much better of a time she is having than you.   She also loves to interrupt your stories with her one uppers of things that are not even remotely possible.  How big was the fish you caught last weekend? It doesn't matter because her make believe special forces boyfriend caught Bigfoot.  And don’t even try to out drink her because she will always be more wasted than you and drink more than you.  One of her patented moves is to cock block her friends, especially if she isn’t the one getting the attention.  The funny thing is she won't necessarily be hot either.  In fact she could be the ugliest girl in the club, but you couldn't tell by the way she acts. 

Best Advice: She has major daddy issues, so make sure if you do end up hooking up with her you give her a fake number because she is super needy and will turn psycho the minute you ignore her.  That is unless you like fake pregnancy stories with your breakfast... 

     2. The Lush

The Lush is similar to The Drunk from a previous blog except that she never has to buy her own drinks. You will usually find her at the bar preying on unsuspecting men that will buy any girl a drink that makes eye contact with them.  She has two patented moves, flashing the bartender and making out with other chicks.  She does these for attention and it's a great way to get the attention of the next guy who will want to buy her a drink.  She has the ability to go from hot to cold the minute the drink is done, so if you want to keep her happy just keep the drinks coming.  She’s a good time no doubt, but once she gets sloppy, which is inevitable, look out. 

 Not sure if I should be turned on, or if I should run for my life...

Best Advice: All in all it’s just best to stay away from this one.  The sex will be bad, that is if she doesn’t pass out first, and there is a high probability that she will end up getting puke on something you own.  The good part is if you do bang her she won't remember it anyways so there is no way of her becoming a stage five clinger. 

           3. The Bottle Rat

The Bottle Rat is similar to the The Lush except that she is usually better looking and has higher standards.  She will also not always get blasted drunk, but occasionally you will see one passed out somewhere in the club.  You can usually find her hanging out around the VIP section trying to find rich guys to mooch off of.  She prefers drinking from bottles because the drinks can be made stronger than the ones you will buy her at the bar.  The quality of alcohol will be better too, but there's no way she can actually tell the difference since she drowns them in fruit juice anyways.  Her patented move is flirting with the gate keeper.  She does this in order to gain access to the VIP section, so be sure to inform the security if you need some extra honeys.  Expect her to go from one table to the next drinking as much as she can and acting like she is better than the other women in the club.  She is most likely the type of girl to be looking for a sugar daddy or professional athlete to date and will not talk to you unless your watch is a Rolex or Breitling. 

Oops! Your bottle is empty! We'll go talk to those guys over there now...
Best Advice:  These girls are fun and and often travel in packs so make sure to have some wing-men.  These girls are great for show, but don’t believe that they are models or actresses.  It’s all just a front to get you to want them.  In the case that you do want to bring one home just ask the bouncer if they are any good in bed, because more times than not they have already slept with them.

     4. The Thinks She’s the Hottest Girl in the Club

This girl is a classic, and a girl that everyone should know.   She has the most attitude out of anyone in the club and will act like she’s a queen.  You can usually find her on the dance floor surrounded by her ugly friends or in the VIP section trying to look sexy surrounded by the same ugly friends.  Inside she is truly alone because she turns down every guy that tries to talk to her.  She loves assholes and wants a guy that will treat her like shit.  You can see her rolling her eyes and bad mouthing other women when they walk by.  Her patented move is the hand to the face.  She will pull this out on any guy that glances her way.

No thanks, I'm already in love with myself.

Best Advice:  Ignore her.  Walk up to her and start spitting game to her ugly friend.  She will undoubtedly get visibly upset and when she is the most insecure is the best time to strike.  You have to sell yourself here by lying, so make sure you have a great backup story of how important you are.  Movie director, sky dive instructor, MMA fighter will all work, but buy all means do not tell her how good she looks.  Stay away from most complements in general.  However, be warned because she will be a dead fish in bed.  She's better off being placed in the spank bank to use later to replace the mental image of the pig you really take home. 

     5. The Dancing Queen

This girl is a waste of time for most guys.  She came to the club to do one thing, and that’s dance.  She will leave the dance floor for one thing and that’s to only go to the bathroom.  Her patented move is the fake make out.  This is where she gets in really close right before the song ends and then pulls away when the song changes.  The good news is by the end of the night this becomes the real make out, but by then she is drenched in sweat and smells like the backrest of the bench press at your local gym.  Another annoyance she will do is gather her friends to dance in a circle.  Everyone knows this move, it's the worst.  It always reminds me of a circle of fish trying to avoid the predators by believing there is safety in numbers.  

Raise your hands if your pits stink!

Best Advice: If you have the right moves this girl will dance with you all night long.  More than likely you can make out with her but taking her home might end up being a mistake.  Between her being too tired and sore for good sex she's really smelly from the amount of sweat she exuded that is clinging to her clothes and hair.  Your best bet is to find her friends.  You know, the ones she ignored all night to dance.  

Now I'm sure there are other women out there that might fit into multiple categories on this blog, but the fact is they all exist and I'm sure you have run into them before.  If you have any ideas of other women or men for that matter that fit a certain mold let me know and I might add them to my next blog.  Until then, happy hunting and don't forget to tip your bartenders and servers!

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Friday, July 20, 2012

5 Tips on How to Prevent a Hangover

You know the feeling.  It’s late morning or early afternoon and you just woke up from a long night of partying. Your head is pounding, your mouth is dry, and you want to go to the bathroom but it’s just too much effort to get out of bed.  Compound that scenario multiple times if you wake up in someone else's bed, or let's say on a park bench naked.  Do you remember the night before? Is that puke you taste? Is that a used condom? At this point, chances are you have a terrible hangover.   

  Has anyone seen my dignity? I've seem to have misplaced it...

One of the saddest parts you'll learn about aging is that as you get older these hangovers will only get worse.  Your body will not be able to handle the abuse the way it used to when you were younger.  I remember when I was ummmm let's just say 21, and I could go out and drink all night, puke all over the place, keep drinking, and still wake up feeling like a million bucks.  However, as I age my ability to recover quickly from all night drink fests greatly diminishes.  Now I drink a few beers or a bottle of wine and the next day I feel like my liver was harvested and sold on the black market.  Even worse is that hangovers no longer take a day to get over, but instead take at least two.  That’s a couple days of misery for a few hours of intoxication and debauchery… 

      What age and experience does give me though is a few tips on how to prevent the dreaded hangover.  Before we get into that though let’s get a few things straight.  First off, alcohol is a poison, at least your body thinks so.  That’s why you can get alcohol poisoning and why your body will force you to puke it up if you drink too much of it.  Secondly, these are only prevention tips, so don’t go off into the wild thinking you can now drink more than ever before just because you know how to prevent a hangover.  Lastly, drink with a little responsibility.  Drinking and driving is idiotic and there are no prevention tips for being a jackass.

              1. Keep Hydrated

      This one is pretty simple.  Alcohol dehydrates your body when consumed.  That’s why it’s better for you not to drink mixed drinks that contain a lot of salt or other substances that will help dehydrate your body faster like fruit juices.  Oh your brain hurts? Well that’s because you are so dehydrated that your brain is actually swollen inside your skull.  Best cure for this is to drink water, and lots of it.  You want a sure fire way to tell how hydrated your body is?  When you go to the bathroom take a look at the color of your urine.  Normal healthy urine should be the color of a manila folder. The darker and yellower it comes out means the more dehydrated you are.  I recommend drinking at least two glasses of water before going to sleep after a night of drinking.  Sure it might force you to get up sooner than you intended to take a pee, but trust me it's worth it.  Nobody wants to wake up the next day with their brain pushing against the inside of their skull and the worst cotton mouth imaginable.  

 How I feel when I wake up dehydrated

          2. Food

      I know what a lot of you are thinking right off the bat.  If I don’t eat before I go out drinking I get smashed easier and I don’t have to spend so much money on drinks! Well, let me ask you this.  Next time you do that and get a bad hangover ask yourself how much money you would be willing to pay in order to feel better? I bet it would be more than how much you would have spent on drinks.  All you have to do is eat something before you start drinking, or maybe a little snack before you go to bed.  I’m not suggesting you stuff yourself, either.  I’ve been that guy at the club not able to drink because I just had to have one more bite at dinner.  I hate that disgusting bloated feeling you get when your stomach is full of food and you’re trying to shove alcohol down your throat.  It is very uncomfortable and makes you feel like a fat slob, especially when you realize you can't feel the alcohol because all the food you ate is absorbing it.  Try eating a normal sized meal.  You will not only help protect your stomach lining but help protect your body from mal-nutrition.  Maybe it's just me but I’ve been so hung-over before that even though I was starving I couldn’t manage to get up and go to the kitchen to get something to eat, not to mention if you are dry heaving or nauseous.  Good luck trying to keep food down then.  Next thing you know its been 24 hours since you last ate...

 Uh Oh! Grandpa was drunk again last night and can't hold down his breakfast burrito...

             3. Drugs

      Not those kind of drugs you junkie. I'm talking about aspirin, and believe me it is your best friend. It is an over-the-counter medicine that can be bought anywhere, literally.  I carry a bottle of this stuff everywhere I go, and if I know I’m going out drinking I carry a few in my pocket just in case I don’t make it home.  Many people will tell you to not take aspirin when you drink because like alcohol it is a blood thinner.  However, as long as you aren’t getting into a sleep-walking-knife-fight you should be alright to take it before you go to bed.  Try drinking it with a glass of water though, and not your last beer.  Ibuprofen is great too, but stay away from it if you have stomach issues because it can irritate your stomach when mixed with alcohol.  However, what you should stay away from is acetaminophen, or commonly known as Tylenol.  This can cause liver damage when mixed with alcohol.  And let’s be honest, I think we damage our livers enough already.  But hey, if you think you can live life without a healthy liver go for it! I'll make sure to have a drink for you at your funeral.  The bottom line here is that it's a preemptive strike against any headache you might get later when you wake up no matter how well you feel before you passout.  

    This is how you look when I'm hungover and you try talking to me. 

             4. Strenuous activity

Any activity that makes you sweat is great for beating a hangover.  When you sweat you release alcohol through your pores.  It may be a small amount as opposed to vomiting, but every little bit helps.  You know what goes great with alcohol? Sex! Believe it or not sex is a great way to help prevent hangovers.  If you do it right you can get quite a workout from banging.  Anything that gets you going can help you sweat and in turn can help expel all the alcohol you ingested.  But once again be careful of our friend dehydration.  Make sure you drink plenty of water after a marathon session, you stud you.

 No, that doesn't count you sicko.

5. Sober Up

When in doubt the best way to prevent any hangover is to sober up before you go to sleep.  I know this may seem difficult when you are black out drunk and just want to pass out, but it is ultimately the best prevention.  If you follow the first four tips and follow it up with this you are guaranteed never to have a hangover.  Maybe you can catch up on all those episodes of Glee you missed on your DVR.  You know, the ones you're girlfriend recorded that you secretly watch when she's not around?

All in all the best prevention for a hangover is to drink in moderation.  I know that this is harder said than done.  Especially because of social attitudes like peer pressure, or because you don't want to look like a wuss for not taking a tequila shot in from of a hot girl/guy.  Always try to remember how bad you felt the last time you had a hangover and how you swore to yourself that you would never drink again, you liar. 

Sas Martini Lounge would like to remind everyone to drink responsibly.  Do not drink and drive, and remember to tip your waiter or bartender.  Follow the links below if you would like to know more.  And if you like what you read here please subscribe to our blog for weekly blogs just like this one.

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Friday, July 6, 2012

5 Types of Guys Every Girl Meets at a Nightclub

Women go to nightclubs for different reasons.  Some go to dance, others go to meet guys, and some just want to get wasted and have a good time.  No matter what the reason is, however, women are always going to run into the same types of guys.  Below I will describe which are the five most frequented ones you will run into and how to deal with them.

1. The Drunk 

The Drunk is probably the most common guy you will come across in a nightclub.  This guy can be found at any time and in any location.  Don’t think just because he is drunk he will be found at the bar.  They are wanderers that have no real home.  He will mix it up with whoever will talk to him or show him attention. Try not to make eye contact with this guy because once involved in a conversation he will be hard to get rid of.  And whatever you do don't stand too close.  The drunk spits when he talks so be warned.  

Best Advice – If he begins to talk to you alert a bouncer.  Once confronted by a sober bouncer they will make sure he takes his party to the streets.  If you try to fend him off yourself try not to be rude.  Once angered the drunk will become highly obnoxious and will try his best to make sure no one has a good time.

 2. The Stalker

The Stalker, also known as the Creep, is the guy that makes you look over your shoulder when you walk to your car at the end of the night.  This is the guy you catch staring at you from across the club.  He looks angry and tries to do his best James Dean, but it comes off more like he's constipated instead.  This guy has issues.  He usually does not trust women, and will sometimes hate them.  Unfortunately, nature still gives him an attraction to you.  He will see other guys talking to you and mutter under his breath how much of a whore you are.  Don’t try to talk to this guy or approach him.  It will only make things worse when he freezes up or stumbles over his words.  This is not the nice guy you read about in Cosmo.  He is one rejection away from turning into a sociopath.

Best Advice - Ignore him and don’t let him see you talking about him to anyone, and especially your girlfriends.  The last thing you want to do is give the stalker hope.  Ladies, you need to really protect yourself here. Make sure you do not walk to your car alone. Remember there is safety in numbers with this lunatic.

3. The Dancer

The Dancer is oddest guy on this list.  He wants to show all the girls, and guys for that matter, his moves.  Hours upon hours of dancing in front of the mirror has finally paid off.   Too bad it comes at the expense of an enormous amount of body odor.  This guy’s shirt is so wet he looks like he just got out of the pool.  Careful not to get to close or he might try getting his sweat and grease all over you.  The good news is he might be just as happy dancing by himself.  You will notice him making consistent bathroom breaks to “dry off”. 

Best Advice – He can be hours of entertainment for you and your friends.  Enjoy watching from a distant,  but whatever you do don’t get into a dance battle with him. Even if you think you can win he is best avoided.  He will not take losing gracefully, and he will not let it go.  This guy can easily become the stalker if motivated to do so.

4. The Baller

The Baller can usually be found in the VIP section of the club wearing sunglasses.   He will be with a bunch of his fake friends buying bottles for them and having the bouncers bring them girls.  He might seem to have game, but it’s just a cover for his extreme insecurities.  He will throw his money around in the douchiest way too.  Have you talked to him yet? If you did, I’m sure you already know what kind of car he drives, and how nice the view from his condo is.   What he won’t tell you is how his parents would be upset if they found out he’s spending his inheritance on bottles rather than an education.

Best Advice - For you ladies he is a goldmine of free drinks.  Just don’t stray too far or he will find other girls to quickly fill your place.  Going home with him might seem tempting, but no one wants to see a grown man cry after sex. 

5. The Grabber

The Grabber, also known as the groper, can be found hanging out by the dance floor or blocking the walking lanes to the ladies’ room.  In his lesser form he will grab a girl by the arm and pull her towards him.  He thinks it is suave and that girls like a take charge guy, but little does he know it’s assault.  On the dance floor he is just a pure pervert.  He will grab, rub, and pinch anything that moves.  Be careful with this guy, he's one grope away from being a straight up rapist.

Best Advice – Throwing a drink in his face will be your first instinct, but that will only anger him and you enable the possibility that he might get off on it.  If you don’t have a drink you will no doubt slap him across the face.  However, this technique will only work if there are witnesses, and once again you are in danger of turning him on further.  The best thing you can do is walk away and alert a bouncer.  If he doesn’t let you go, scream for help.  This guy has date rape written all over him, be sure he doesn't catch you on the dance floor alone. 

In conclusion, all you women out there should now be aware of the types of guys you run into at nightclubs.   Hopefully, you have learned how to avoid these losers and fend them off.  Remember that the best safety for women against these types of guys will always be to travel in packs.  This way you can watch each others backs and alert one another when one is spotted.  Just whatever you do, make sure you don't get involved with the disasters that these guys have become.

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